Seeker5

Have you ever being inspired by something, wishing so much you could do it, yet be so afraid of doing it to the point that you were blocked from doing it?
That’s the way it was for me for a while with this Free Hug event. The Free Hug event is about holding a “Free Hugs” sign in the middle of a busy sidewalk or busy location, and letting random strangers come to you and hug you. Check out this heart-warming inspirational short video:

This concept fascinated, yet bought up so much fear inside of me.  I admired those who could do it, not being able to see how I could do it.  I’ve never being much of a hugger, and I grew up in a non-hugging culture.

A few months ago I found a local meetup group that actually just did this – that would go out as a group, hold those Free Hugs sign for a few hours and resolved to overcome my fears to join them in holding the Free Hug sign and hugging strangers.

First Attempt – Restaurant

The group meets at a restaurant then head out to hold the Free Hug signs. I had met with them the previous day to make the signs. I walked to the restaurant feeling a deep uncomfortable feeling, and after being there for a few minutes, I just walked out. Inside of me was this huge fear telling me “get away from there”.  I went home, feeling dejected for having let this emotional fear just walk me out so soon.

After that I made a few reservations online for more such events but I found one reason or another to not show up. Yet, I was still fascinated by this concept, and I felt it would be an important part of my personal growth to overcome this fear.

Second Attempt – Parking Lot

I decided for my second attempt, that I would just observe. I went to the location, which this time didn’t meet in a restaurant but simply met at the meeting place where the Free Hugs event would take place. I saw five to six of them holding the Free Hugs sign in a row. I went to park, which due to the location was rather far from the location where they met. I got out of my car to walk with toward the location.  Boom, again, this irrational huge fear emotional uncomfortable feeling came over me, and I thought “I can’t just stand with them, it’ll look like I’m with them!”, and I walked away, went back into my car and drove home.

I decided I needed some support so I started talking to some other people about this, both online and in private. I still wanted to overcome this fear, and still felt very drawn to doing this.

A little while later, I finally met the organizer and talked to him about how I was intimidated by this. He invited me to just come and observe which is exactly what I sought to do at the third event.

Third Attempt – Observing the Free Hugs

I went there and this time, I was able to stand with the people holding the Free Hug signs.  I ended having so much fun just observing them.  People were laughing so much, the huggers, the huggees, and I was laughing and having so much fun from watching them and taking pictures and being around them. It was such a healthy feeling.  One girl said that was the most fun she’s had in the 6 years she’s lived in this city.

I even got hugged a few times without holding a sign!   Sometimes, there’d be 3 or more of them in a row holding a sign, and I was at the end with no sign, just talking to one of them. More than once, someone would come and hug every single one of them, and then come to me, and they’d just hug me too assuming I was one of them. So I got some hugs that way too and I enjoyed them.

After being there for an hour, I got comfortable enough that I went and hugged all of the people holding the “Free Hug” sign (there was about 6-7 of them). That was fun too.

It was truly amazing watching it.  Even though these people holding the free hugs were getting rejected by probably 80-95% of the people walking by, because there was so many people walking by (this was a very busy sidewalk), they were still getting so many hugs. They were laughing, and having so much fun even when there’d be a moment where nobody would be hugging them. I even saw a car stop by the side of the road, and 4-5 girls came out to hug the girl that was holding the sign near the street.

I also saw guys hugging guys – plenty of that. I had some guys hug me, and even though I can’t recall a time in my life where I hugged a guy I wasn’t really good friends with, I didn’t mind it at all and it was fun. I even saw more than one though-looking thuggish guys with tattoos go all huggy on guys and girls who were holding the sign. It was interesting watching peoples’ behavior – how some people were laughing, how so many people took pictures of this event, how some would just go and hug one person, and some would go and hug everyone who held a sign (there was about 6-7 holding the sign). A lot of people ignored those holding the signs too, or would smile and go on. There were so many different reactions. However, whenever there was hugging, it felt and seemed like friends hugging and it felt like so many reunions so much of the time.

Then near the end after 3 hours or so of being at the event, I decided to go ahead and hold the sign up for about 5-10 minutes. So I did that and I got some hugs, and it was great. However, I was able to hold the sign only when there were other people holding the sign right next to me – actually when I had one of them to each of my side. Even though I felt a lot of anxiety and I wasn’t that comfortable with the sign, I was still able to do it and be open to get hugged. It felt like we were doing this as a group and I was just one of the group.

However, when the people with the signs next to me moved away from me to walk around on their own, I couldn’t hold the sign anymore – this overwhelming feeling of “who the hell am I to hold that sign” overwhelmed me and I had to put the sign down.

Having experienced the joy and fun of other people holding that Free Hug sign for several hours, and having being able to hold it for 5-10 minutes myself, I resolved to come back again another time and overcome my fears. I didn’t know how I’d do that, but my resolve and motivation to overcome my fears was greatly increased.

Fourth Attempt: Unconditional love for oneself turned out to be the answer to overcoming this fear

Several days before the fourth attempt, I came to several deep insights that were holding me back here.

1) The belief that “Everything must be earned”.

That was a belief that I grew up with.  That’s a good saying in the sense that it helps one work hard and not simply sits there wishing for a handout. I’m sure that’s how it was meant.  However, I unconsciously took it to the extreme, and felt that everything and really everything must be earned. Thus, under this belief, a hug from a stranger wasn’t earned yet, since I hadn’t developed a close friendship or romantic link with them.  I decided to let go of that belief.

2) I didn’t feel worthy of hugs from strangers, or from someone I wasn’t close with. It comes from conditionally loving myself instead of fully unconditionally loving myself.

The answer, the antidote to that is to develop unconditional love for myself. How could I do that? Someone I respected greatly told me that the first step is to “Imagine how it would feel to love yourself unconditionally”. I spent several days in that state, in that state of just imagining how it would feel to love myself unconditionally. When I did that, I could start to see myself holding the Free Hugs sign with joy and love and not caring what people thought, having no fear, and thus being there to receive hugs.

Thus I spent a few days visualization just that – being able to hold the Free Hugs sign all alone while feeling unconditional love for myself. Two hours before the event, I started to feel very nervous; I sensed the nervous energy in me.  However, I knew that would be all right, I could recognize that nervous energy being the same nervous energy I sometimes get before I give a public speech. It wasn’t the kind of fear block I had gotten earlier. Thus, I knew I could work through that without a problem as long as I kept visualizing positively.

I arrived at the event, hugged the guys already present and immediately proceeded to hold the Free Hug sign! I looked into people’s face and it was such a relief to be able to hold this Free Hug sign without any fear coming up! I spent the entire 3 hours holding that sign, feeling unconditional love, connecting with so many people.

I had such an incredible experience! It was amazing, feeling so good, so much unconditional love, and connecting to so many wonderful people in this way.

When I drove away to my house, I had tears rolling down my face at how touched I was by what happened, by connecting like this with so many people and by having overcome this deeply held back fear. I thought, what a wonderful lesson, on how love turned out to be the answer to overcome this deeply held fear I’ve had for so long.